


We All Fall Down (And Then Get Back Up)

by Kiwifruitjuice



Category: Avengers
Genre: Abuse, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Rape Recovery, Steve's cuddles really, Tony has nightmares, Tony is raped, Tony needs cuddles, Tony was kidnapped, Yay Stony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 09:13:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6046102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiwifruitjuice/pseuds/Kiwifruitjuice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the from of an anonymous video, the Avengers and its tower residents learn that Tony was raped during his kidnapping how many years ago. </p><p> </p><p>Or, the time Tony learned that Jarvis is a little shit, Steve is cute, and hiding in his lab isn't particularly the best idea he's ever had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We All Fall Down (And Then Get Back Up)

Tony watched in horror as the screen faded to black as the video ended. The tower, for the first time in as long as Tony could remember, was completely silent. Tony sat in his rolling chair, unable to speak, staring into open space where the screen had been, and he wanted to _cry_.

The whole tower, his workers, the Avengers, Fury, they must have seen the video. There was no way it was only shown in his lab. Now, everyone knew. Everyone knew the secret that Tony had tried _so damn hard_ to keep to himself, and for years, it had _worked_. And now-

_Tony felt his eyes burn as the blindfold was ripped from his head. He inwardly groaned and threw his head back in protest. The man, who Tony still didn't know the name of, grabbed at his throat. Tony gurgled on the leftover blood in his mouth from the previous beating._

_"Y'know, Stark," the man began. He leaned down to Tony's ear, his breathe hot and evil against Tony's bleeding neck. "I'm feelin' a little excited right now."_

Now everyone would act weird. They would talk to him softly, they would check up on him every day, they would bring him hot chocolate and hug him whenever he frowned, and _God damn it_ Tony was ready to strangle the person who made this video. He wanted to _die_. 

Tony was actually convinced the entire tower was on their way to give him a pity party. And he didn't-  He wasn't a baby, okay? He had dealt with the nightmares, the flashbacks, the hour long showers of him scrubbing off the dirty feeling of _his_ hands, he had done that, he was _passed_ that. He didn't need anybody to check up on him every minute of the day, and he sure as hell didn't need Fury on his ass about it.

And good lord, he could only imagine Steve's reaction, with his _stupid_ concerned eyes and sad frown in his more than perfect face. Tony wasn't sure he could face any of the residents in his tower, let alone _Steve_ , of all people. And then, god help him, he heard the distant buzzing of his elevator rising up to what he knew was his floor, and he-

" _Please.." Tony didn't have the strength to fight anymore. He begged for no reason, he knew that, but he couldn't help but hope, pray to whatever God that was up in the sky that he wouldn't have to go through it again.   And then he felt his sore body roughly pushed from the chair, the ropes rubbing angerily on his skin, and he fell with a  pathetic grunt on the cave floor._

He quickly ran over to his desk, ducking under it, breathing heavily. He panted nervously and laced his fingers together, closing his eyes tightly as he heard the elevator stop just outside the hallway. 

He waited silently as multiple sets of feet entered the room, but no voices came. The steps stopped and Tony didn't dare breathe. 

"Tony?" 

Bruce's voice was careful, and Tony _almost_ squeaked. He shook as his body demanded air, but he knew Steve had good hearing, and he would well pass out before he was forced to face this situation right this moment. Or ever, for that matter. 

"He's gone hiding," Natasha's voice was as soft as Tony had ever heard it, and he just _knew she knew_ that he was under the desk, and Tony swore to his parents grave if Natasha ratted him out he would kill her, no matter how deadly that would be for him.  

"Where do think he's gone?" And there it was, Steve's concerned, cracked voice, and Tony wanted to jump out and run for the hills and live as a goddamn _goat_ if it meant he never had to hear that again. 

"Maybe-"

_Tony tried to think of anything else in the entire world as he felt his pants being ripped down to his ankles. He let out a anguished cry of fear as he felt the man climb on top of him. He thrashed and kicked, and he yelled and cried, but all he could feel was the man thrusting inside of him._

_He felt the stream of blood slowly make its way down his legs. He cried out in pain, wishing for anyone to save him, he just wanted to to go home._

_He could hear the camera's clicking as pictures were taken. He could hear the roll of film as the camera taped him._

"He probably left. I'd imagine it was played in here too." Fury's voice, as always, held next to no emotion. Tony wanted to punch him. 

"He might've gone to Rhodey's?" Clint said quietly. His usual cheery voice was low and sad. 

Tony's vision spotted, black overtaking his sight, just as the Avengers left his lab. He gasped, desperately sucking in air. He fell to his side and breathed in relief. 

And then a single pair of footsteps left his lab. Tony froze in shock and he swore his arc-reactor short-circuited. He waited for what seemed like hours for the person to come back and rip the desk away from him, but it never happened. 

~

 

"So, basically, I need to run away forever and never see daylight ever again," Tony finished his explanation to his best friend, who was silent on the other end. 

"Tony, you've had lots of ridiculous ideas, but this is by _far_ the stupidest." Tony could practically hear Rhodey's eye roll through the phone. 

"Y'know they're coming over there to interrogate you," he argued, nervously twirling a pen in between his pointer finger and his thumb. 

"I'm sure I'll survive," Rhodey sighed. "I won't tell them anything, Tony, but you know you can't avoid this forever, right?"

"I know, okay? _I know_." Tony licked his lips. "But not right now." 

"Good luck, Tony." 

Rhodey hung up. 

~ 

 

Tony had been hiding in his lab for a good three days, he guessed. He hadn't really eaten, but that was _fine_ , as he'd really rather face starvation than Steve. 

"Fury is demanding entrance, Sir," Jarvis cut in, inturupting the new suit Tony was building, that he definitely didn't need and was _not_ using as a distraction from the current problem that his life usually was. 

"Tell him to kindly fuck off, thanks Jarv," Tony said absentmindedly, searching through his mess of a desk for the screw he needed. 

"Sir," Jarvis started, but Tony cut him off with a groan. 

"No. No, I refuse to be given a lecture by a a _computer_. Don't even try it, Jarvis, I _will_ shut you down." 

Jarvis was silent. 

~ 

 

How Steve managed to break into his lab was beyond him, but Tony suspected it had something to do with a soon-to-be sold computer system. And to be fair, he had not expected the annoying super soldier to be standing in the middle of the room with the _saddest god damn look on his face._

 _"Jesus Christ!"_ Tony had yelled quite embarrassingly, jumping back in surprise when he'd almost full-on rammed into Steve's back. 

"Tony!" Steve had whirled around, eyes wide in surprise. "Have you been hiding down here the whole time? I've been worried  _sick_!" 

And really, Tony was going to kill Jarvis for this. 

"Yeah, that seems like a regular occurrence with you," he snapped, brushing by him to set the metal pieces on his desk. "Did Jarvis send you?" 

He looked up to the roof. "I'll hurt you, just you wait." 

"My apologies, Sir." And, no, Jarvis did not sound sorry _at all._

 _"Traitor."_ Tony muttered into the air. 

"Tony, this is not about Jarvis. This is about you hiding down here and keeping us scared and worried up there," Steve pulled at Tony's shoulder, turning him around easily. As a super soldier would. 

"I've been hiding down here since you all moved in. What's different now?" Tony challenged, staring at Steve, unblinking. 

Steve's face softened. "You _know_ what I mean, Tony." 

"Mhm, nope not ringing a bell," Tony pretend to think, then shrugged and quickly disappeared out the door to his elevator. 

~

 

Tony might've woken up half the tower with his screams, but he was more worried about Jarvis, if he was honest. 

"Do not call anyone, Jarvis, I swear to god," he whispered shakily, wiping at the sheen layer of sweat that had accumulated at his forehead. He breathed in to calm himself, just like his at-the-time therapist had taught him when he'd first got back. 

The windows were dark, signalling that it was the middle of the night. Tony sighed in frustration and buried his head into his hands. 

He was _sure_ he was past the nightmares. He had gone, what, a week without them? He flopped back onto his pillow with a moan of defeat. 

Tony was beginning to think the nightmares would never end. 

~

 

Tony would never admit to anyone that he spent the next three hours scrubbing at his skin until it was blistered and bleeding. 

~

 

He waited in his lab, not speaking, sitting on the floor. He stared blankly at the blade that was laying precariously on front of him. It's sharp point beckoned him, and Tony reached for it. 

~ 

 

Tony decided that was a _very_ stupid decision, and as he washed his forearm under the sink, watching the blood flood away down the drain, that he wouldn't _not_ be doing that again. 

~ 

 

The days seemed to be going by slower. Tony did as he usually did, he built things he would throw in a corner and never use again, stay up all night writing ideas he'd never create, he'd forget to eat, sneak upstairs very quietly to grab a snack, and drink down alcohol until he fell into a deep, no-nightmares sleep. 

The alcohol seems to help keep away his nightmares. 

~ 

 

It was after two weeks of hiding that Tony realized he needed help. It was only when he'd woken up at dawn, hungover and surrounded by empty beer bottles, sobbing into his dirty shirt, that he remembered Steve's heartbroken face when he'd found Tony that day in the lab. 

So now he was face to face with his past therapist, a polite man with horn-rimmed glasses and old grey hair and the friendlest smile Tony had ever seen. 

"Tell me about the nightmares, Tony," Dr. Jenson said gently, reaching out a hand and patting Tony's hand for resurrance. 

"Well," Tony swallowed the lump in his throat. "Obviously, it started after I got home. The first time I had it, I woke up screaming and crying, but I just ... brushed it off I guess. And then after the fourth time, I decided to call you." 

Tony was surprised at how much he felt the need to cry. He blinked and carried on. 

"And then we talked, and they kinda stopped for a while. A few weeks. So I dropped the therapy stuff," Tony licked his lips and paused. 

Dr. Jenson seemed to sense the tears about to come. "Crying is natural, Tony, and you should not judge yourself for it." Dr. Jenson grabbed a tissue and handed it to Tony. 

Tony broke down. "But then they came back," he hiccuped and cried as he finally told Dr. Jenson his thoughts. "And I didn't know what to _do_. I was in constant fear that he would break in and do it again, and I woke up screaming every night and I was so god damn _scared_ and sad and just fucking depressed about _everything_." 

"And then," Tony stopped to breathe. "And then the video came, and everyone saw. Everyone _knows_. And, I mean, I know they just want to comfort me or something, but I just want it to be the way it used to be. When I could hide out for days and it wouldn't matter." 

"I see," Dr. Jenson whispered. "But, and not to interrupt you, what if they did matter before, but you simply wouldn't let them care for you?" 

"Well," Tony struggled to speak. 

"I know you like your space, Tony, we all do, but sometimes all a person needs is someone to talk to. And I won't always be here to do that. To talk to you. I think, I think it would benefit to speak to the team about this." Dr. Jenson leaned over at squeezed Tony's shoulder. "I know it's out of your comfort zone, but I do believe whole-heartily that they do care about you, Tony, more than you might think." 

~ 

 

The team stared in shock as Tony stepped through the large doors to the meeting  room. Everyone was silent as Tony sat in his usual chair and relaxed, leaning back and clasping his hands around his neck. 

"So? Fury? What speech have you got that, by the way, I won't be listening too?" Tony said casually. 

"Glad you could make it, Stark." Fury unfroze and marched over to his board, starting to rant about some new fighting technique.

And there was one thing Tony knew about his team, he knew he didn't need to talk to them. Over the years, they'd developed a certain head nod.

The type of nod they did whenever they were fighting against something big, and one of them got knocked over or shot, and they would nod silently and carry on. A nod to show that they were fine. 

Tony did the nod, a short, straight-to-the-point jerk of the head. He didn't look to see if they had seen it. 

He knew they did. 

~

 

From there on, things went back to normal, for the most part. Tony did his thing, and the others did their thing. It do not, however, slip past him that Steve seemed to visit him more often.

He noticed when Steve brushed the back of his hand against Tony's hip whenever he passed, or the freshly-made coffee that mysteriously found its way to his lab every morning, or the sandwich that appeared in front of his nose at least twice a day.

Steve always let Tony win during practise. He usually didn't fight, verbally or physically, with him anymore, but hey, they weren't _that_ changed.    

And _maybe, possibly_ , Tony had developed to what might be akin to a liking to Steve. 

 _Maybe_. 

~

 

Tony stared at Steve. He was beating a punching bag, as Steve always did, and grunting each time he swung a fist to met the poor, helpless sack of sand. 

Steve seemed to notice another presence in the room. He paused and turned towards Tony, his ever-present smile lighting up his face. 

Tony had talked to Dr. Jenson about it. About how his fascination with Steve had reached dangerous levels the past month, from Steve's more than friendly behaviour. 

It was weird, was what it was. Tony felt almost, safe when he was with Steve. He knew Steve was trying his damn hardest to make him feel that way, and it was _definitely_ working. 

And if when he awoke from his nightmares that only the thought of Steve made him somewhat calm again, so what. 

"Hey, Tony," Steve grinned. Jesus, his smile was contagious and too god damn sweet to be allowed. 

"Hey, Rogers. Bullying the sand again, I see," Tony tried, and somewhat failed, to casually stroll over to Steve. He leaned against the punching bag, hoping he wasn't blushing. 

Steve shrugged. "I've already destroyed a few. I might need some more soon," he admitted, a sheepish smile hitting his soft, pink lips. 

 _God damn it, Steven_ , Tony thought. 

"I'll make a note of that, Stevie," Tony mused. Steve frowned, then laughed. "What?" Tony asked. Had he said something nereids. That was just like him to do something stupid. 

"Stevie. I like it," Steve whispered, shaking his head. Steve slowly unwrapped the tape around his fists. 

Tony tried to swallow his nervous laugh. "Yeah, well, I like you," Tony blurted.

And right then was the moment Tony really wanted to die. He'd be happy melting into a puddle and never talking  ever again. 

Steve's face was blank, then his face cracked into a a wide grin and he threw back his head and laughed, loudly. 

Frankly, Tony wished he had stayed in his lab and been satisfied with the damn coffee and sandwiches. 

Steve finished laughing and gently punched Tony's shoulder. "Hey, I like you to, pal," Steve said softly, cheeks flushed from both laughing and blushing. 

"You're ridiculous, you know that?" Tony muttered, leaning forward until Steve caught him in a warm hug.

"You're cute," Steve answered. Tony glanced up in surprise. "Sorry, thought we were naming obvious things," he shrugged.

"You know I talk a lot."

"I know." 

"And I'll probably forget about your existence in my coffee-fuelled nights." 

"I know." 

"I'm quite a lot to handle. Pretty annoying." 

"I know. 

"Like, I talk _a lot_." 

"I'd be concerned if you didn't." Steve kissed Tony's forehead and rested his chin on Tony's head. 

Tony knew his troubles were far from over, his nightmares still existed, he still cried at night, and he even was scared of his own shadow sometimes, but right now, Tony felt pretty okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> It's late and I felt like I needed some Tony/Steve fluff with a tiny sprinkle of angst mixed in. 
> 
> But holy jeezus why must I do this to muhself


End file.
